Star Kissed (In the Darkness Book 2) Read online

I can’t talk myself out of it anymore.

  I can’t seem to stop.

  I reach for Blake, and I pull him toward me, and I kiss him like there’s no tomorrow, like nothing else matters, like he’s the only one I need.

  I kiss him like he’s perfect because to me, he is.

  To me, he is the sun.

  He is my everything.

  But then he pushes me away and shakes his head. My heart is thundering as his words hit my ears.

  “Sarah, no.”

  Then he leaves.

  And I am alone.

  Chapter 2

  Blake

  One Month Later

  “Welcome home!”

  Lizzie, Jake, Falcon, Max, and I are greeted with shouts, with yells, with posters, with balloons, and with more petal juice than I’ve ever seen before in my entire life. We’re practically floating on air when we make our way back through the familiar docking area on our ship because oh, does it feel good to be home.

  This last mission really took it out of me. What was supposed to be a simple in-and-out rescue operation turned into a month-long scavenger hunt to try to find our people, but it’s all over now. We’ve finished our work and now we’re back and ready to keep moving forward.

  “Home,” Lizzie murmurs under her breath, and I reach for her hand, carefully pulling her just the slightest bit closer to me. She looks up at me and smiles, and I fight back the urge to stroke her cheek. Lizzie squeezes my hand, reminding me how she feels about me, and I know I’m a lucky man.

  It’s been a long, long month, but Lizzie has shown me so much about who I really am as a person and where I want to go in the future. She’s Orchidian, like me, and she really, totally just completely understands me and what I’m going through. She listens to me talk, and when we’re deep in discussion, I feel like she just really gets me.

  Max disagrees,

  He looks back at me and glares, hitting me at my core. Although I wish I could feign ignorance, I know exactly what he’s so pissed about.

  “You’re being a huge asshole,” he pushes me, shoving me into the rocky mountain terrain. I scramble to my feet, embarrassed my friend pushed me down so easily. I wasn’t expecting that. Not from him.

  “Fuck you,” I spit. “Who are you to tell me how to live my life? You don’t know anything about me.”

  “Really?” A look of anger crosses his face.

  No, that’s not anger.

  It’s hurt.

  I’ve hurt my friend, and this realization fills me with shame.

  “You know what I think, Blake?” He moves forward, invading my space. “I think you’re afraid. I think you’re acting like a complete and utter asshole because Sarah finally made a move on you after all of this time, and it scared the hell out of you.”

  I open my mouth, but Blake shakes his head.

  “No, you shut that mouth right now before I punch you in the face. You’re being a dick. You love Sarah and you always have. I’ve known this for years. It’s never been a secret, Blake. We all know it. The only two people who can’t seem to see the way you and Sarah look at each other are you and her, but you know what? None of that matters now. She had the balls to kiss you and you ran away like a coward. Now you’re what? Fucking Lizzie? Way to move on, brother. Way to move on. You know what, though? I’ve got a secret for you, Blake: You will never get over Sarah for as long as you live.”

  Then he walks away, shaking his head. I hear his footsteps recede, and then the soft, gentle sound of someone’s voice clearing.

  Damn it.

  I forgot Lizzie was meeting me right about this time.

  Forcing a smile onto my face, I turn around and reach for her as she steps out from behind a couple of trees. She smiles and slides into my arms, turning her face up to me. I plant a chaste kiss on her forehead, and she pulls closer to me.

  “You heard every word of that, didn’t you?” I ask her.

  “Oh, Blake,” she whispers. “What are we going to do? Max is like a brother to you. If he can’t accept me…”

  Her voice trails off and I shake my head.

  “No,” I tell her. “No, don’t say that. He’ll come around, Lizzie. You’ll see.”

  Now Max is looking at me like I’m the damn devil. He’s glaring at me like I just kicked his puppy, but he really has no idea what I’m going through. So what if Lizzie and I are together now? We aren’t that serious. Hell, we aren’t even sleeping together! Not that Max knows that, and not that this celibacy thing is going to last for much longer.

  I have a rule that I never sleep with anyone on a mission. Not when we’re out in space or on some planet trying to save people. No, if we’re recovering an artifact or breaking up a crime group, I don’t have time for anything like that. I don’t have the time to focus on making love to a woman properly. If I lose my head, even for the smallest amount of time, something terrible could happen.

  Someone could get hurt.

  Now, though, all bets are off. I’m back on the ship and I’m ready to move forward with my life. I’ll be the first to admit I was confused by Sarah’s kiss and I reacted harshly. I tried to contact her two days after it happened. That’s when we found out we’d be going on this mission, after all. I tried to say goodbye, but she wouldn’t take my calls. Then it was too late. Then it was time to go.

  Now I’m with Lizzie, and I won’t pretend she makes me happy, but she doesn’t make me miserable, either. She doesn’t confuse me. She doesn’t make me feel like my whole world is teetering on the edge of excitement.

  She doesn’t push me or prod me or make me wonder if I’m making good choices.

  She doesn’t make me want to be a better man.

  No, Lizzie is perfectly satisfied with who I am right now, and who I am is a real jerk.

  Max is right, but I don’t really care. Sarah and I would never work. He’s right that I was a dick to her, but Sarah is a strong person. Hell, she probably doesn’t even really like me. She was probably just having a rough day. It’s been a month, though, and chances are that she’s completely forgotten about the entire thing.

  Besides, Sarah is a big girl. Max seems to think she’s going to be all hurt when she finds out about me and Lizzie, but it’s not like I planned this on purpose. The mission just came up and Lizzie and I really hit it off in a way we never have before. There was this sizzling connection between us.

  So when Max says Sarah will be hurt, he doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Sarah and I have been friends for a long time. Beside, chances are that she’ll thank me for not letting things go any further between us. She’s a bright, reasonable woman and I’m lucky to have her as a friend.

  Do I wish things could be differently between me and Sarah?

  Absolutely.

  In another world, I would sweep her off her feet.

  In another life, I’d be the man for her.

  But I’m not.

  I’m not that man.

  I’m not good enough for Sarah and everyone knows it but her.

  No, I’m much better off with Lizzie. I’m much better off with someone who doesn’t make me feel as deeply or as powerfully as Sarah does.

  I’m much better off.

  At least that’s what I think until I spot her face in the crowd of people waiting for us. I see the look of utter horror cover Sarah’s face when her gaze shifts from me to Lizzie and back again.

  And then, almost in slow motion, I see something drop from her hands and land on the floor. Before I can say as much as a hello, Sarah turns and runs off into the crowd.

  I let go of Lizzie’s hand, scurry to grab the little box she dropped, and yell after her.

  “Sarah!” I call, but it’s too late. She’s gone.

  “What is it, sweetie?” Lizzie calls out in a sickly sweet voice.

  I stare at the little box for a second and then shove it in my pocket.

  “Nothing,” I tell her. “It was nothing.”

  Chapter 3

  Sarah


  Rushing away like the coward I am, I push my way through my fellow Extrinsic members. Everyone’s gathered to see the group that just got back from a month long mission and I made the mistake of thinking that maybe, just maybe, Blake and I could talk about what happened.

  I thought maybe we could make up and that things wouldn’t be awkward between us, but I was wrong.

  I was so, so wrong.

  He was with Lizzie. Oh, I know Lizzie. She hates my guts because I once gave her stitches when we were out of healing salve. She has a scar from the stitches. Despite my even stitches and steady hand, the wound left a mark when it healed, and Lizzie hates having marks on her body.

  Why she went into a universal crime-fighting and general bad-assery sort of group, I’ll never know.

  But she’s here, and he’s here, and now they’re here together.

  Apparently.

  I don’t want to know.

  Somehow, I manage to make it back to my living unit and I throw myself inside the room. The door slides shut behind me.

  “Lock,” I say aloud. “And don’t let anybody in,” I add. “Not a single person.”

  “Would you like me to prohibit your pre-approved guests from entering?” The light, robotic voice is much too loud in my silent apartment.

  “Yes,” I manage to get out, and then I climb onto my bed and I begin to cry.

  Lizzie.

  Lizzie and Blake.

  When did this happen? How long has he loved her? How come I didn’t know they were going to fall in love? Obviously, they’ve been together: intimate, even. He knows her in a way he’s never going to know me, and the sooner I can forget about Blake, the better off I’m going to be.

  My heart feels like it’s breaking, and I cry and cry and cry.

  I cry until I’m exhausted, and then darkness overtakes me.

  ***

  “Sarah? Are you okay?” A soft, feminine voice wakes me, and I groan into my pillow.

  “How did you get in here?” I groan. “I locked everyone out.”

  “I may have gone to Max and asked him for help breaking into your place,” Diana says sheepishly. “He’s in the living room.”

  Rolling over, I look up at my friend. She grimaces. I must look like hell.

  “What are you doing here, Diana? Not that I’m not happy to see you, but, well, I kind of just want to be alone right now.”

  “That’s what I thought,” she says, taking a seat next to me. “But sometimes when we most want to be alone, that’s really the last thing we need.”

  “I’m guessing you saw them.” There’s no point in beating around the bush. Diana and I spend a lot of time together. She, along with her little boy, Kenny, hung out with me every day while Blake and Max were away. Now her man is back, but mine isn’t.

  Not that he was ever really mine to begin with, anyway.

  “I saw Blake being a huge dickhead,” Diana confirms. “Do you want to talk about it?”

  “No.”

  “He’s an idiot.”

  “Maybe not,” I sigh, shaking my head. “Look, he made his opinion of me very clear, Diana. I just…”

  “You just thought he wasn’t that bad.”

  “I guess I thought maybe I misunderstood,” I shake my head. “He told me no, and then he left for the mission the next day. We didn’t get a chance to talk about it, so I thought that maybe when he got back, we could.”

  “Right,” she nods. “You thought that the two of you would be able to have a reasonable discussion about your relationship and how you could move forward as friends or lovers.”

  “Now we aren’t even that,” I sigh. “I ruined it all with that stupid kiss.”

  “Now that’s simply not true,” Max steps into the bedroom, baby on hip. Little Kenny squeals and touches his daddy’s face as Max looks at me. “This isn’t your fault, Sarah. Don’t go thinking that it is.”

  Max and I go way back. He’s from Orchid, too, and he’s known Blake just as long as I have. The three of us have been friends for so long that something this big just feels surreal. The way Blake looked at me when he saw me…it was like he thought I was pathetic.

  And it made me feel pathetic.

  Somehow, while he was gone, I poured myself into work and spending time with Diana. I managed to make myself believe that I was over-exaggerating the issue, that I was reading too much into things. I made myself think that when he came back, we go back to how it was before: just me and him. I made myself think we’d be able to be friends.

  I was wrong.

  I was so, so wrong.

  “No offense, Max,” I shake my head. “But you don’t really know what you’re talking about.”

  “I’m pretty sure I’m talking about the fact that you kissed Blake and he freaked out. Then he left for a mission before the two of you could resolve anything, and now he’s got a new girlfriend.”

  My jaw hits the floor.

  “Did I leave anything out?”

  “I…um…no,” I squeak out. “He told you all of that?”

  “Blake is a brother to me, Sarah, and you’re a sister. I would do anything for both of you, but right now, Blake is being a real piece of shit.”

  “Max!” Diana says, her eyes going wide. “That’s no way to talk about your best friend!”

  “It is when he’s being a real piece of shit,” Max says sadly, shaking his head. “I can’t tell you what to do, Sarah. Only you can decide what’s best for yourself, but I can tell you that Blake is making a huge mistake. He doesn’t love her.”

  “He doesn’t love me, either,” I say sadly. “At least he’s chosen to be with someone who makes him happy,” I add, but I don’t really mean it. Judging by the looks Diana and Max both give me, they don’t believe it for a second.

  Chapter 4

  Blake

  “Finally, we’re alone,” Lizzie pushes me into her room and closes the door behind us. “It’s about damn time.” She walks swiftly toward me, shoves me against the wall, and starts to touch me.

  I should be excited.

  I should be happy, turned on.

  I should be aroused, but I’m not.

  This all feels wrong. It feels forced, and I don’t like feeling forced. I could lie to myself and to Lizzie and say I’m just tired. I could say I’m not in the mood. The truth is that I’m just standing here thinking of Sarah, and I know that I’m not going to be able to do anything with Lizzie – or any other woman – until I get Sarah out of my head.

  I need to clear my thoughts.

  The problem is that a month away should have given me a chance to work through my feelings about her. One month is a long time and I should have been able to come back and deal with my emotions and our relationship like a grown-ass man, but I didn’t.

  I couldn’t.

  “Blake?” Lizzie looks up at me with a confused look on her face. “Is something wrong, baby?” She asks sweetly, but when I look at her, all I’m thinking about is the fact that she isn’t Sarah. She’s not that woman.

  Lizzie is great, but she’s not the one who had the guts to kiss me. She’s not the one who had the balls to wear her heart on her sleeve. She’s not the one who was afraid to be brave.

  That was me.

  I was scared.

  “I’m sorry,” I say, pushing her away gently. “I just need a second.”

  “What’s the matter?” She asks sweetly, looking up at me. “Blake? I thought we were going to…you know,” she giggles. “The mission is over now, so you don’t have to worry about being distracted.”

  Oh, how wrong she is.

  “I’m…Lizzie, I’m sorry, I’m just really tired right now,” I lie. I couldn’t be more awake. I wish I was tired enough to sleep, but I know that if I go lie down, I’m going to be staring at the ceiling and thinking of her.

  I’m going to be thinking of Sarah.

  “Well, why don’t we go lay down?” Lizzie says, motioning toward her bedroom. “I’ll go pour us some petal juice and
we can drink it while you rest.”

  “I appreciate it,” I tell her honestly. “But I think I need to be alone right now.”

  “Why?” Lizzie’s eyes narrow. “Blake, we’ve been dancing around this thing for a month, and you promised me that when we got back, we could be together. For real. Now, the first chance we have to be alone, you’re getting weird on me. What gives?”

  She crosses her arms, and I realize there’s no way in hell that Lizzie is going to let this go, and the truth is that I don’t really know what to say to her. I can’t tell her I’m thinking of another woman. I can’t tell her that I’m doubting whether I actually want to be with her. None of that is appropriate for this moment in time, so with a sigh, I finally nod.

  “Some petal juice sounds nice,” I say, and I follow her into her bedroom.

  I make myself comfortable on the bed and, as promised, Lizzie brings in two glasses of petal juice.

  “Here you go, my darling,” she says, handing me a glass.

  “Thank you,” I take the petal juice and allow the alcohol to permeate my system. Petal juice is strong stuff, which is good. I need it. We all do. After spending a month on a practically uninhabitable planet, I think I deserve a drink. Hell, I think I deserve twelve.

  “Do you want to talk about the mission?” Lizzie asks sweetly, joining me on the bed.

  “I suppose it was harder for you than it was for me,” I tell her. “You were the one who found the ship.”

  That was the entire purpose of the mission. A small group of Extrinsic operatives crash-landed on Eola. It’s one of the few planets we haven’t extensively explored, and we knew we needed to hurry and get there. We needed to get those people out. There were two men and one woman aboard the ship, but by the time we hiked deep enough into the forest to find them, it was too late. They were dead, probably upon landing, and we were out of luck.

  “They died painlessly,” Lizzie says. Is she trying to comfort me? We both know it’s a lie. There’s no such thing as a painless death. Even if you don’t experience physical pain, there’s a pain inflicted upon everyone left behind that never disappears.