Filthy: A Taboo Erotic Romance Read online

  His cock would be just as hard as the one pressing up against me now.

  And twice as sweet.

  6.

  The Alpha moves to the bed in the center of the room and I follow, kneeling in front of him as he sits.

  “You’ve learned well,” he comments as I position myself in front of him, yet don’t touch his body without permission. My head remains bowed: my hands behind my back. I’m waiting for his next command. I’m waiting for everything he has to give me tonight.

  “Now tell me, Rachel,” he crooks a finger under my chin and pushes upward so that I meet his gaze. “Have you been naughty this week?”

  I flush as I think of all the times I’ve touched myself in preparation for tonight. Though Brandi instructed me not to orgasm until my session with the Alpha, I found myself reaching for my vibrator at every opportunity. Even after work today, before I dressed for the club, I got myself off twice because I was so excited.

  I should have known he was going to ask.

  I immediately regret my decision to disobey.

  “Rachel,” the Alpha speaks again, his voice booming. “I asked you a question.”

  “Yes,” I finally manage to speak. “I was naughty this week.”

  “How were you naughty, Pet?” He switches to a neutral term, one I assume he uses with all his girls. It reminds me that I am replaceable. It reminds me that I am not as special as I want to be. Still, despite the distancing language, the Alpha appears to be interested in what I have to say.

  And his dick is still hard, just inches from my face. I wish he would take his pants off.

  I resist the urge to reach forward and rub his bulge.

  I resist the urge to put my mouth on it over his pants.

  “Brandi warned me not to masturbate before our session,” I tell him quietly. Blushing, I look down, not wanting to meet his gaze, but he forces my chin back up so I’m staring at him. “But I did.”

  “How many times did you masturbate, Pet?”

  I silently count in my head. Twice on Monday. Once on Tuesday. Twice again on Wednesday. Three times yesterday. Twice today.

  “Ten.”

  He lets go of my chin and I resume looking down, feeling embarrassed and relieved at the same time. I’m humiliated to have to admit what I did in the secret privacy of my bedroom. I’m relieved that I don’t have to look at him while he calculates my punishment.

  Because there’s no question about punishment tonight.

  It’s why we’re both here.

  I need to be controlled, need to feel the heat inflicted on my body by a Dominant who knows how to perfectly execute each lash.

  And he needs to be the one to punish me, weak and tiny beneath his grasp.

  “Ten.” He comments. He runs his hand through my hair, which surprises me. Most Dominants only touch my hair to pull it back or force me to move in another direction. His touch seems kind, almost tender. Intimate.

  It confuses and frightens me at the same time.

  I look up at him and he repeats himself.

  “You disobeyed ten times, Pet, so we’ll begin with ten spankings.”

  I nod, accepting this. He’s not asking my permission, but telling me ahead of time what he plans to do to me is a kindness not all Doms afford me.

  “Stand.” He’s firm now, decisive, and I obey him immediately. He rises from the bed and walks around me, once again taking in my body, running his hands over me, stopping only to give an occasional swat of my breasts or thighs. Once the Alpha is standing behind me, he pulls my dress over my head and places it on a shelf. When he comes back, he pushes me down so that my hands are planted firmly on the bed. My breasts dangle over it, still contained in my bra. My panties, he removes.

  “Ten,” he tells me. “Take them quietly, or it will be more.”

  “Yes, Sir,” I say, but I should have kept my mouth shut because the first strike stings like fire. I’ve been spanked before. Shit, I get off on spanking, but I’ve never felt power ripple through my veins like this before. I’ve never felt the heat of each stroke run down my legs and back up to settle in my core.

  Maybe the other Doms have been holding back on me.

  Or maybe tonight I just feel weak.

  I bite my lip to prevent myself from crying out, but it’s useless.

  By the time he gets to the fifth swat, I’m tearing up.

  When he reaches ten, I’m crying.

  As soon as he stops my punishment, he rubs his hands over my ass, cooling the stings with his gentle palms.

  “Breathe, Pet,” he reminds me softly, and I obey him from my position against the bed. I try to breathe, to focus, to remember why I’m here, but suddenly my walls are cracking. It’s taken me two years of coming here to get to the point where I was good enough to be considered by the Alpha and I really don’t want to blow it by turning into a giant crybaby.

  “I’m sorry,” I tell him softly. I know I’ve let him down.

  The Alpha walks to my side and lowers himself to the bed. I’m still bent over, not daring to move until I’m told, despite the way my backside is sore and my hands are aching from holding this position.

  “You cried when I told you to be silent,” he tells me softly, stroking my hair.

  I nod.

  I know full well what’s coming next.

  “I told you what would happen if you didn’t take your punishment quietly.”

  “Yes, Sir.” I squeak out. Tears still stream down my face, covering my cheeks, but my sobs have stopped.

  “Are you ready, Rachel?” My name rolls off his tongue in a surprise moment of intimacy, and it gives me the courage I need to nod my head, “Yes.” I am ready. I’m ready for this.

  I don’t move, wiggle, or shy away as he returns to his position behind me.

  The next ten strokes I take bravely, quietly, determinedly.

  I can do this.

  7.

  When he’s finished, the Alpha walks to one of the shelves and pulls down a bottle of lotion. I don’t move as he returns to bed and sits down next to me.

  “Come,” he pats his lap, motioning for me to climb over him.

  I do as he tells me.

  Sprawled across the lap of this stranger, I feel him begin to rub the lotion into my tender flesh. I let out a sigh as I relax against his body, feeling the suit pressing against my skin. I’m still in my bra and panties, I realize, suddenly, wondering why he hasn’t stripped me yet.

  “How does that feel?” He asks as he continues to massage away the pain of my punishment.

  “Good,” I answer honestly, quietly. I try not to let my mind wander as he continues to touch me, but Landon is at the forefront of my mind. Why am I so distracted today? Why can’t I stay focused on this session? Part of being a good sub means clearing my mind. It means focusing only on the line between pleasure and pain, on pleasing my Dominant, on listening to each and every command.

  But I’m thinking of Landon.

  What is he wearing?

  What is he doing?

  Who is he with?

  I picture him at the party tonight with a young blonde model hanging off his arm. A shiver of jealousy shoots through my body as I wonder, even as I’m pressed across the Alpha’s lap, whether Landon is going to fuck this invisible woman I’ve dreamed up.

  Suddenly, the rubbing stops, and I realize the Alpha has spoken.

  And I didn’t hear what he said.

  Shit.

  “I’m sorry,” I tell him, not moving from my spot, deciding that honesty is the best way to proceed. “I didn’t hear what you said.” My entire body tenses as I wait for the inevitable punishment to come, but it doesn’t. Instead, he strokes my hair, running his hands from my head, down my back, and to my ass, over and over again.

  This is new.

  “I asked what has you so distracted tonight,” he tells me. “You have quite the reputation for being of one mind during a session, Rachel.”

  He’s using my name again.

>   He’s seen me perform.

  Though most of the time, I like to be spanked in private, I’ve performed a couple of times in the main room at Club Blaze. It’s not a requirement, but it lowers the cost of my membership dues, so it doesn’t bother me.

  Besides, having a room full of eager eyes on me is quite the turn on, even when I’m not being fucked.

  “I’m sorry,” I tell him honestly, feeling tears fill my eyes. “I’ve wanted this for a long time. I’ve fought hard to have some time with you, to learn what you have to offer.”

  “I know,” his voice comes slowly. “And I’ve made you wait for it. I’ve made you beg for it. I’ve made you earn it, Rachel, and you have. So what has you so tense tonight?”

  His hands continue to touch my body, reminding me that I am safe. He is protecting me tonight. He’s controlling me tonight. Nothing bad can happen to me here. I’m taken care of.

  “I almost asked my best friend to come to our session tonight, but I got scared.” Finally admitting it feels freeing. My words dangle in the air, waiting for the Alpha to grab them and respond, but he doesn’t.

  I keep talking.

  “I’ve wanted to share this with him for a long time, but I’m afraid.”

  “What are you afraid of, Rachel?”

  I think for a moment before pinpointing my answer, wanting to be as succinct as possible.

  “I’m afraid that if I tell him what I want, that I like to be spanked, that I enjoy being dominated, that he’ll get scared. I’m worried that he’ll think I’m a freak. I’m worried that I’ll lose the only friend I have.”

  “I think,” the Alpha pulls me up so that I’m straddling him, pulled tight against his suit. His arms wrap around me, holding me close. “That you are a strong woman. And I think you need to be brave when it comes to taking what you want.”

  I nod.

  “You’re right,” I whisper, resting my head against his chest. I listen to the Alpha’s heartbeat for a moment, feeling its rhythm against my head.

  Then he pushes me away suddenly and walks to the other side of the room.

  “We’re done tonight,” he says. “We’ll continue next Friday when you’re able to pay closer attention. I have no interest in a sub who can’t concentrate.”

  Without another word, he disappears through a door in the back of the room, and I’m left alone, in my white panties, in the middle of the Diamond Room.

  And I have no idea where to go from here.

  8.

  “How was your weekend?” Landon’s face is a welcome sight as I reach the bookstore on Monday morning. It’s not often that he surprises me with coffee to start the day, so I’m thrilled as he hands me a white chocolate mocha.

  “Mmm. Better now,” I tell him, unlocking the store and letting us both inside. It’s been three days since my session with the Alpha. Three days and I still have no idea what to say to Landon about Club Blaze.

  We’ve texted casually, but every time I type out something even remotely related to my secret Fridays, I delete it almost immediately.

  I can’t.

  The Alpha’s words ring in my ears as I flip on the lights in the store. Be brave. I need to be brave. I sneak a peek at Landon, so perfect in his running clothes, so amazing in every way.

  What if he can’t see me the same way I see him?

  “You don’t have to work this morning?” I ask him, realizing it’s almost 7. He’s usually in the middle of boring business presentations by now. He shakes his head, taking a sip of his water bottle.

  “Not until 10.” He grins. “Until then, I’m all yours.”

  He acts like he’s about to hug me, and I run away.

  “No! No sweaty man on me, please!” I’m too slow, though, because Landon quickly wraps me up in a tight embrace, pressing me to his chest.

  “I know you don’t really mind,” he whispers.

  For just a second, I relax against his body, wondering what we could be like to be able to feel this anytime I pleased. What would it be like to finally confess my attraction to Landon Trosper and have him feel the same way? What would it be like to wake up next to him every morning and get to collapse with him in bed every night?

  What would it be like?

  But then I remember my secret.

  Can he handle it?

  I look up into his eyes and he cups my face with his hands, tenderly holding me for just a moment.

  Then the bell on the door jingles and my assistant wanders in.

  “Oh shit,” she mumbles, noticing our embrace. “Sorry, Boss, I’ll come back.” She disappears out the door before I can protest, but Landon barely notices.

  “Rachel,” he says, his eyes latched against mine. I open my mouth to tell him. I open my mouth to say everything I’ve ever wanted to say, but his mouth presses against mine, warm and inviting. He wraps me up in a perfect kiss, the kind I’ve been dreaming about for years, the kind that lets me forget where I am for just a little bit.

  “Landon,” I murmur, breaking out of his kiss, ending the trance. He’s still holding me as I look up into his eyes, melting my heart, making me feel, for once, complete and whole.

  Landon’s hands are resting on my waist as the Alpha’s words reverberate through my mind. I know I can’t go to Friday’s session without confessing my secret to Landon. The Alpha is going to ask me as soon as I arrive whether or not I’ve been naughty.

  Disobeying a direct order would be very, very bad.

  “I need to tell you something,” I say, closing my eyes. He’s quiet as I fumble for the words I need. This is make or break. He kissed me. He made the first move. Now it’s up to me whether or not we really do move forward.

  And I won’t be in a relationship where I have to lie about what I’m doing every Friday night.

  It’s not fair to either of us.

  “What is it, Beautiful?” His hands are on my cheeks, holding my face. I know he’s watching me. I know he’s waiting for me to get the courage to put this out there.

  My heart stops.

  And my mouth opens.

  “I’ve loved you for a long time, Landon.”

  “I know. I love you, too, Rachel.” His mouth presses to mine again, claiming me as his own, but I can’t stop now.

  I can’t wimp out.

  I have to do this.

  “Wait,” I say. “I need to tell you something. There’s something you need to know about me.”

  How do I put this delicately? How do I explain what I’ve been doing? How do I ask him to come with me?

  “Whatever it is,” he says, “it doesn’t matter. I’ve loved you since we were kids, Rachel. There’s no one else.”

  He pushes his lips to mine again, melting away any notions of honesty I once held.

  9.

  All week, Landon shows up at the bookstore first thing in the morning with a hot cup of coffee for me. He kisses me in the front of the store, asks me what my plans are for the day, and leaves. He’s busy each night with plans for a new museum his company is working with, but we promise to meet for lunch on Friday.

  When we’re settled with our usual sandwiches and drinks, he smiles.

  “Any big plans for tonight?”

  My heart jumps into my throat, then drops down to my stomach. It seems to sit there, sinking, until I open my mouth.

  This is the moment of truth.

  Every single morning I’ve tried to tell Landon the truth about me.

  And every single morning he’s distracted me with kisses, with promises of love, with his sweet, adoring words.

  “Actually, yes,” I say slowly.

  “Spin class?” He asks. His eyes twinkle as he does.

  “No, um,” how do I do this? How do I word this without sounding like a freak? “Actually, have you heard of this place downtown? It’s called Club Blaze.”

  His eyes are glued to mine and he shakes his head slightly, almost indiscernibly. I don’t know if he’s saying that he hasn’t heard of it or if he’s shoc
ked that I have.

  I continue before he can speak.

  “Well, anyway, there’s this club and you can go and experiment, you know, sexually.” How do I explain this without sounding like a nympho? “It’s a kink club. Whether you want to train to be a Dominant or you want to learn to be a sub, you can go. A lot of people just go once, maybe to have a threesome or some sex in public to spice things up, you know?” I’m rambling and Landon’s expression is blank. I have no idea what he’s thinking.

  So I decide to just keep talking.

  “I have a session tonight,” I finally admit. “I go there every Friday, Landon.” I can’t meet his gaze as I say it. I can’t look into his eyes as I whisper the truth. I can’t see his disappointed gaze.

  But he doesn’t say anything, so I look back up.

  Landon is still watching me, curiously, still waiting for me to finish talking, perhaps, but I don’t know what else to say, so I just sit.

  Finally, he speaks.

  “And what are you going to do at your session tonight, Rachel?”

  I gulp.

  “Well, I, um…” I don’t want to cry in front of Landon, not about this. I don’t want to break his heart. I don’t want him to think I’m this huge freak. He’s been so perfect for me my entire life, but he could never handle this side of me.

  He was there for me when my parents died. He guided me through each of my breakups. He even helped me when I wasn’t sure what to do after college. He’s always been there.

  But this?

  How could he accept me for this?

  I think, for a moment, about lying. I think about saying it was all a prank. I think about turning and running out of the restaurant, of hiding away in my apartment until tonight, but I can’t.

  The Alpha told me to be brave.

  “I’m going to go get spanked by someone,” I finally tell Landon. “And,” I take a deep breath. “I was wondering if you want to come watch.”

  10.