Below Deck Page 3

  There have been several broken hearts during his time here.

  “I’m not who you think I am,” I tell him with a sigh. Pulling away, I lean against the back counter and just look at him. “I don’t do this,” I tell him. “I don’t fool around at the club.”

  “I know,” he says.

  “No,” I shake my head. “It’s not just a line, Ryder. I never, ever fool around with people from the club. I never have. I’m not ready to cross that line.”

  “You felt the connection between us,” he says. “Don’t tell me you didn’t.”

  I shrug and look away. He’s right. I did feel it. I felt something powerful drawing us together, but I have responsibilities he doesn’t understand. I can’t just go home with him. Not with Ryder.

  “I didn’t,” I lie. “I’m sorry.”

  “That’s ten,” he says.

  “Excuse me?” I look up at Ryder sharply. He can’t possibly be serious. Ten spankings? That’s what he’s going to give me because he thinks I’m lying? He couldn’t possibly know that.

  “You heard me,” he says. His face is stern, but Ryder’s eyes are twinkling. He’s enjoying this, I realize. He likes this banter, this dialogue between us. “When I finally get you into my bed, June Gables, I’m going to give you the spanking you just earned.” He leans in a little bit and adds, “and more.”

  Then Ryder slides off his barstool and tips an invisible hat, turns, and walks away.

  And now I’m alone in the bar wondering what the hell I’m supposed to do now.

  ***

  My week passes slowly.

  Every day, I look at Ryder’s number in my phone and think about calling him.

  And every day, I set my phone down and roll my eyes because I am a huge idiot. I shouldn’t even have his number, but I pulled it from his membership record and added him as a contact in my phone. You know, just in case.

  Just in case what?

  Just in case I have a pussy emergency only he can help me with?

  No matter how much I masturbate this week, I can’t get Ryder out of my head. Nothing offers me relief from the warm sensation that’s been growing inside of me. There’s just nothing that can erase the feeling of his tongue on mine, and I hate this. I hate how vulnerable I feel when I’m thinking about him. I hate how eager, how needy I am.

  Ryder Hawke is one hell of a man, but me?

  I’m no match for him.

  Not in any way.

  So I do my best to push Ryder out of my head and instead of fantasizing about him, I think about work, I think about my family, and I think about the direction I want to take the club. We already have beginner and intermediate classes in place, but I’d like to add some advanced bondage classes, as well. I think it’ll be a great way to help my members learn and explore this part of themselves.

  I think they’ll love being able to safely learn new techniques when it comes to BDSM and playing with their partners. One of the most important things to me is that I provide a safe, educational place for my members. BDSM clubs seem to have this reputation of being sketchy and dirty. I want to change that.

  I want to change the whole damn world.

  If I do nothing else with my life, I want to know that I did something to help my friends. Piper, Christina, Thorn, Lily…these people have become my dear, dear friends. While many of Anchored’s original members came to the club as strangers, we’ve gotten close, and I don’t know what I’d do without them. Odessa has been incredible. Mistress D? She’s been fantastic.

  And then there’s Ryder.

  There’s beautiful, perfect, no-good-for-me-at-all Ryder.

  I sit back in my chair and sigh.

  I would do anything for that man, and that’s a dangerous thing.

  Chapter 6

  Ryder

  Another week passes.

  Once again, June and I spend both Friday and Saturday evenings in the corner at the bar. In between drink orders, we talk. In between making martinis and pouring beers, June tells me about her life, about her childhood, about her Grandmother. She tells me about her life and little by little, I find myself falling in love with June.

  This frightens me.

  I can’t tell anyone how I feel about June. There is literally no one I can talk to about this. If my superiors had even the slightest inkling that I was interested in a civilian, they would pull me from this case and stick me on instant desk duty. I don’t want that. I can’t have that.

  No, what I need is June.

  All I need is June.

  I sit with her while she closes up the bar on Saturday night. At three in the morning, she hits a button to turn off the music and on the lights. There are a few groans from the last remaining patrons, but June shrugs and everyone quietly files out of the club.

  “You don’t have too many problems with lingerers, do you?”

  “Not so much,” June shrugs. “It’s one of the perks of being a private club, I suppose. People know that if they give me a hard time, I just won’t let them come back.” She smiles at me. “So nobody gives me a hard time.”

  “Plus, I’m sure Zack helps.” I jerk my head toward the scary guy working the door tonight, and June laughs.

  “Zack is a big ol’ teddy bear,” she laughs.

  “I heard that,” he calls over, and June just laughs harder.

  “Come on, Ryder,” she says, coming out from behind the bar. “We’ll finish cleaning tomorrow,” she says. To my surprise, June takes my hand and leads me out of the main play area. Once we’re in the lobby, she turns to Zack. “Thanks for everything tonight,” she says to him.

  “Are you dismissing me, Miss Gables?” He smirks, obviously amused by the situation.

  “Are you dismissing him?” I ask, surprised.

  June just waves Zack away and he laughs and heads for the door.

  “Be nice to her, Ryder,” he says. “Or I’ll beat the shit out of you.”

  I’m too confused by this strange turn of events to say anything back. Instead, I turn back to June and wait for her. She locks the front door and then turns back to me.

  “Come on, then,” her voice is so quiet that I almost can’t hear her. She takes my hand and leads me down a side hallway.

  “June, we shouldn’t be here after hours,” I say slowly. “Won’t the owner be upset?”

  She looks over her shoulder at me and flashes me a smile.

  “I think it’ll be okay,” she says, confirming my suspicion that June is more than just the bartender. Most people don’t notice how she watches the room. Most people are idiots. When they come to a place like Anchored, they’re much too worried about things like performing well or putting on a good show. They’re not looking around the room checking the exits. They aren’t trying to figure out who the power players are. They aren’t trying to do anything except for have a good time.

  And June?

  June is like a guardian angel who makes sure everyone is okay.

  She rarely drinks while she’s working. Instead, she keeps an eye out. There are always several dungeon monitors working the floor and every so often, she’ll radio one of them to take care of a problem she notices. She’s very watchful and very cautious, and June never, ever lets her guard down.

  “You live here, don’t you?” I ask. She stops in front of a door marked PRIVATE and turns back to me.

  “Last chance to tell me no, Ryder,” she says. Her hand is on the door, but she doesn’t push it open. Not just yet. Instead, June looks at me, waiting for me to tell her that this is okay, waiting for me to promise that no matter what happens when we go through this door, everything is going to be okay.

  That’s not a promise I can make.

  The truth is that if June wants to go through this door with me, if she wants to spend the night together, then everything is going to change. I can go into her room and pretend like I’ll come out the same man, but I’d be lying to myself.

  Once I get inside of June Gables, I won’t ever be the same
again.

  “Tell me what you’re asking me, June.”

  “You know what I want.”

  “Tell me now,” I demand. “Why now? Why tonight?” I’ve propositioned her before, asked her to come home with me before. June always turns me down. She’ll kiss me, and she’ll let me hug her, but that’s as far as it goes between us. Each kiss we’ve shared has been passionate and dark: a promise of things to come.

  Each kiss has seared itself into my memory.

  “It’s the one-month anniversary of my grandmother’s funeral,” she says. “I don’t want to be alone tonight, Ryder.”

  “I’m sorry about your grandmother,” I tell her, softly touching her hair.

  “Me, too,” June whispers.

  “I’ll stay with you tonight,” I tell her. “You don’t have to be alone.”

  “Thank you, Ryder.”

  “June?”

  “Yeah?”

  “You know I’m going to Dominate you, right?”

  A shiver shoots through her body: a delicious, exciting shiver. Yeah, June knows what I’m about. I’ll help her get through tonight. I’ll help her deal with her pain by obliterating it. By the time I’m through with June, she’s going to be sleeping like a baby. She won’t have to stay up all night feeling alone. She won’t have to mourn by herself. Instead, I’m going to make love to her long and hard, and then I’m going to hold her all fucking night.

  She nods, and then June kisses me deeply. She wraps her arms around my neck and pulls me closer to her.

  Closer.

  Closer.

  Closer.

  Soon I’m completely surrounded by June.

  Soon I’m completely enveloped in her.

  Soon I’m lost in her and I wonder if I’ll ever be able to find my way back out.

  Chapter 7

  June

  “Wait,” Ryder says, pulling away. He jerks his head toward my door. “You live here, right?”

  “Yeah,” I admit. “This is my place.” He doesn’t look surprised to find out that I live here. Instead of acting shocked or appalled, Ryder just nods.

  “Okay,” he says. “I need to run to my car and get my phone.” Cell phones aren’t permitted in the club without a damn good reason, and it’s up to me to determine what that is. Anyone caught sneaking a phone into my club gets instantly booted and their membership canceled. I’ve never had anyone risk it.

  “I’ll come with you,” I tell him.

  “No,” he shakes his head. “It’s dark and it’s cold. Besides,” he wiggles his eyebrows. “I want you to go get ready for me.”

  “Ready?”

  “Go inside and strip down. Wait for me in the center of the room. You know how.”

  “Yes,” I whisper. “I know how.”

  He holds out his hands and I drop my keys in them, and then Ryder heads back down the hallway with a skip in step and a tune on his tongue. He hums until he turns and goes back into the lobby, and I’m alone outside of my room.

  “I can do this,” I say out loud. “I’ve got this.”

  I push the door open to my little suite. When I remodeled Anchored, I created a small luxury suite for myself. It’s sort of a mix between a fancy hotel room and a studio apartment. It’s obviously close to work and for me, it’s perfect. Tonight, I walk over the cabin port hole and peek outside.

  From my spot, I can see the brilliant night stars blinking and glowing brightly. They’re gorgeous. Beautiful. Completely unforgettable: just like this night is going to be. I can’t quite believe I brought Ryder back to my room.

  I can’t quite believe he agreed to come.

  Normally, when I stare at the night stars, I think of my grandmother. I think of all the nights we looked at the stars together. We used to spread a blanket on her lawn and curl up together.

  “Now just look at that sky,” Grandmother says. She wiggles on the soft quilt to make herself comfortable. After a moment, she settles.

  “It’s pretty,” 13-year-old-me agrees. I reach for my grandmother’s hand and she takes it, squeezing my hand gently.

  “Pretty soon you’ll go off into the world,” she says. “But no matter how far you go, pretty girl, you know that every night, I’m going to look at the stars and think of you.”

  “Really?”

  “Oh, absolutely.” She turns to me now, propping herself up on one elbow. Grandma is getting older, but she still seems so young. She’s the wisest, smartest person I’ve ever met. “We all share the same sky, June. So promise me something.”

  “Okay. What is it?”

  “Promise me that no matter where you go, you’ll look at the sky and think of me, too.”

  “Of course I will, Grandma.”

  “I love you, little Junie. I’ll always love you.”

  I shake my head. Tears are streaming down my cheeks as I watch the sky, thinking of Grandma. I kept my promise to her for so long. I moved away for college, like so many young kids do, and every night that I was gone, I looked at the sky and thought of Grandma.

  Then I moved back, and we looked at the sky together, just like when I was a kid.

  Now I’m staring at the most beautiful stars I’ve ever seen, but I’m not looking at them with my Grandmother because she died and left me alone.

  And that’s the real problem, isn’t it?

  I wasn’t ready to say goodbye. I wasn’t ready to let her go. She was my best friend in the entire world, and then she disappeared. Now I have so many questions I want to ask her about my life, about Ryder, about everything, and I can’t because one month ago, I buried Grandma.

  Now my tears are streaming down my cheeks faster, and I sloppily wipe my eyes with the back of my hand. It’s then that I peer down at the parking lot and realize Ryder is heading back to the club. He’s coming back to me, and I’ve been so busy feeling sorry for myself that I stopped following his directions.

  Fuck.

  What were his directions?

  I know he wanted me to kneel, but how? I scurry to the center of my bedroom and look around wildly, trying to remember if he wanted my arms in front of me or behind me. Was I supposed to kneel up? Kneel down? Bra and panties? Nothing?

  Fuck.

  Me.

  Stupid.

  Time is wasting away and Ryder will be back any moment. I need to hurry up and figure something out because if I don’t, he’s going to be back and when he sees that I didn’t follow his very first directions, I’m going to be in trouble.

  Not that getting in trouble is always a bad thing.

  Maybe it won’t be with Ryder.

  Maybe when he pulls me over his lap and pushes my panties down, I won’t mind the fact that it means I disobeyed.

  Maybe I won’t mind being exposed to him.

  Maybe I won’t mind showing off.

  I reach for the first hook on my corset and I wonder what he’s going to think when he sees me naked for the first time, when he touches me for the first time.

  “Fuuuck,” I groan as I finish taking off my corset and reach for the top button of my jeans. I jump up and down as I wiggle out of the jeans. I knew they were too tight, but I just had to wear them. Well, now they’re not coming down over my hips.

  “Fuck, fuck, fuck!” I try pushing harder, but the denim just won’t budge. This cannot be happening. Ryder is going to be back any second. I can hear his heavy footsteps in the hallway. If I don’t hurry it up, I’m going to be half-dressed when he comes in, and then I’ll look like a silly, silly submissive.

  I won’t look like the owner of a private sex dungeon.

  I won’t look like the badass queen of the ship.

  I’ll just look ridiculous.

  In a fit of desperation, I finally drop to the floor and roll onto my back. Then I thrust my pelvis up into the air and begin to wiggle out of my pants. My jeans are almost over my butt when two feet appear next to my head.

  “I have to admit, Miss Gables: this isn’t what I had in mind when I told you to wait for me.�
��

  Chapter 8

  Ryder

  I’m fighting to hold back my laughter as I walk in on June completely sprawled on the floor. She’s topless, but she’s still clothed from the waist down, including her heels.

  “Ryder,” she whispers, closing her eyes. “I…”

  She blushes, and I know she’s embarrassed, but she looks fucking adorable. I just want to hold her. I just want to pull her into my lap, wrap my arms around her, and never let go.

  “You wanted some help getting ready for me, love?” I say gently, and then I squat down to pick her up.

  “What are you doing?” She squeaks, opening her eyes. “Ryder! I’m too heavy for you.” I pull her into my arms and stand back up before heading toward her bed.

  “Oh, darling, that’s another ten.”

  “What?! No! Hey, come on now! You didn’t tell me I couldn’t say I was fat.”

  “And another ten for back-talking.”

  “Ryder!”

  I smile down at June’s helpless looking face. Oh, she knows she’s in trouble, but she’s not scared. Not of me. Not of this. No, she doesn’t like the idea that she’s in trouble, and she’s protesting, but I’d bet anything that as soon as I slide my hands between her legs, I’ll find she’s fucking soaked.

  “Shall we keep going, June?”

  “No,” she squeaks out, and I set her down on the bed.

  “Close your eyes, June,” I whisper. She obeys me instantly, perfectly, and I take this opportunity to just look at her. June has big, beautiful breasts I can’t wait to lick. I want to touch her there, want to make her moan with pleasure, and I will, but I plan to take my time.

  With June, one night isn’t going to be enough. I can already tell. With June, I’m going to need all of her nights. I’m going to need every night.

  One lifetime just isn’t going to be enough.